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NEED TO KNOW
Ashley Tisdale French is explaining why she broke up with her mom group
The actress penned an essay for The Cut and shared that the group became toxic for her
She then asked why it's so hard to leave toxic groups when we know they aren't right for us
Ashley Tisdale Frenchis explaining why she broke up with her mom group.
In an essay forThe Cutoriginally published on her blog, the actress, 40, shared that she'd left her mom friend group last year after experiencing behavior that made her feel like she was back in high school. Tisdale French, who is mom to daughters Jupiter, 4, and Emerson, 15 months, wrote that she initially "felt lucky" to find a group of women going through the same feelings as her.
"Most of us had been pregnant through the early pandemic, so we missed out on the activities where you meet other expectant mothers," Tisdale French wrote. "But finally, we were able to be together, and our kids were able to be together, and it all felt right."
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Although she initially felt like she'd "found my village," things took a turn after she realized she'd been left out of a couple of group hangs — and only found out about them from Instagram.
"Another time, at one of the mom's dinner parties, I realized where I sat with her — which was at the end of the table, far from the rest of the women," Tisdale French shared. "I was starting to feel frozen out of the group, noticing every way that they seemed to exclude me."
"At first, I tried not to take things personally. It's not like people aren't allowed to get together without me — and maybe there were perfectly good reasons that I hadn't been invited," she continued, adding that she told herself it was all in her head and wasn't a big deal.
But then Tisdale French started sensing a distance between herself and the other moms. She was getting invited to things less and less and was even excluded from an event that the other moms planned at her daughter's birthday party. She started feeling like she wasn't cool enough to be in the group and left like she was in high school again.
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She ended up texting the group that she didn't want to be a part of their circle anymore, saying, "This is too high school for me and I don't want to take part in it anymore." Some of the women tried to make amends, while others attempted to convince her that it was all in her head.
"To be clear, I never considered the moms to be bad people. (Maybe one.)," says Tisdale French. "But I do think our group dynamic stopped being healthy and positive — for me anyway."
Tisdale French said that while it might've been easier to just disappear from the group instead of explaining why she was leaving, she's realized that coming forward about her feelings has helped other women.
"But from the feedback I've received since I started talking about this, I now know I'm far from the only mother who's been brought to tears by members of a group that's supposed to lift everyone up," she explained.
"Why, I wondered, is it so scary to talk about this? Motherhood has enough challenges without having to wonder if the people around you are on your side," Tisdale French continued. "You deserve to go through motherhood with people who actually, you know, like you."
Read the original article onPeople
